Zilla!

Thanks to the wonders of Skype we’re able to speak on a weekly basis with the rest of the family living at the bottom of the world.

My mother told me last week she’d had a fright when she woke to find “Zilla”, her dog, lying like a log beside her bed. Since mum became a widow he has appointed himself head of the house and now ventures into areas previously forbidden. These days he’s very old cantankerous mongrel, almost 18, blind, deaf and afflicted with the greek disease... arthritis!   Before age caught up with him he was an ornery critter, prone to biting the legs of unwanted Jehovah Witnesses and vacuum cleaner salesmen.

Initially she though he had gone to dog heaven, but then realised his little belly was slightly rising and falling at a very slow rate. He wouldn’t respond to any of her efforts. Mum left bowls of water in his favourite spots around the house and then went to the local chemists on her mobility scooter to collect a prescription. She voiced her concerns about Zilla imminent departure to the chemist who very kindly offered to collect him and take his remains to the vet for cremating should he depart this world.

Mum returned home to find Zilla still beside the bed and comatose. The next morning he was beside the bed unmoved. By midday mum had decided to take her mobility scooter to the local vet where she asked the receptionist what a cremation would cost. To mum’s surprise they still had Zilla’s records on their database (he hadn’t been to the vet for 12 years!). Cremation was $40 and if a needle was required to ease him on his way it would be an additional $47. Mum couldn’t bear the thought of Zilla suffering so she resigned herself to finding $87.

When she returned home Zilla wasn’t beside the bed. In fact she couldn’t find him in the house! Grabbing her walking sticks she hobbled to the back yard where she found a “frisky” Zilla prancing around the garden watering the trees and sniffing for pussy cats!    He’d lost 10 years.... What the #$% had happened to him?

Later that afternoon Tania; mum’s cleaner; arrived and started vacuuming the bedroom. She called out “Julie, why is your little pill case empty and on the floor beside the bed?” This is the case that contains a single valium tablet for mum’s emergency use during the night.

The bloody dog wasn’t near death. He’d taken a two day trip without leaving the house!